70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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