I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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