apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
