Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
