You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
