His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When are your genitals available?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
