Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize