matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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