HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
