i just sent this text using only my big toe
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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