id be glad to
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
