Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At least make sure they are 18
Why
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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