so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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