Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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