Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
