She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
