you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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