He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
