It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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