Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
