Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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