I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
