fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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