Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
