I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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