Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
