You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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