i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
