I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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