I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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