HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
