dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
