Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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