So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
