if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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