Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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