I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
