Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
