Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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