He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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