My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
