I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
