It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
