your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize