you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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