Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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