U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
