i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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