He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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