Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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