Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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