Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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