So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
