So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
