Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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