dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
