I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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