I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
