my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
