I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
