she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
