four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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