Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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