chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
