So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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