Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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