You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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