They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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