The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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