are you still at the devil's house?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
