a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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