the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Banned from zoo.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dating After Heartbreak
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.