Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.