when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
