I want to stick my p in your. b.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
