My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
