I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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