you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
