I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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