I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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