Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
