Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
