i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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