Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
