Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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