A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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