omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
